Canoe Paddle in the Living Room

How come that paddle is not in a lake or stream? Because I am 91 year of age and have had a recent  stroke.

Because getting into a canoe ls to tempt fate and I know many of my limits.

 Because my hands can remember how to hold that paddle firmly in place while getting into the canoe which is supported by slippery water.

Now sit down being certain the seat is accurately under self or it will be a wet sit down.

Now for the paddle. That well made Ash tool of locomotion has made possible running a number of rapids and and moving across lakes from one portage to another.

The lakes have personalities and winds usually are blowing.
A stiff wind against brings out challenges. Paddling into the wind takes considerable energy. A following wind can bring challenge to sense the weight on the water and the angle of the water as communicated by the paddle.

This brings up brings up subject of the J Stroke.  This is a turn of the paddle at the very end of the stroke and can enable changing direction and even stopping.

When my eyes see that paddle in the living  room all of the above descriptions come to mind including the body sensations.

Here in the 87th year of life......

Enough complaining over little attention being given to those of us who have lived this long. We are classed as the "older old". So be it. I speak from being in the 87th year of this status. 

Being an informed participant gives license to present ideas of what it looks like here. This is no ethnographic or sociological study paper. This is a reality presentation.

Now that technology gives opportunity to speak to a wide audience it is incumbent for those of us who are internet residents to do some innovative publishing.

A frequent complaint from those of us in this age group is that we have little sense of purpose or meaning in our lives. I am striking off on another course that may be of use in my life and perhaps for a few others. 

My intention is not money.  I am into exploring the geography of become among the oldest of the old. Rewards mean less at this age than in earlier stages of the journey. Do I mean that?  Time will tell.

Delton

The First Year

When a long married couple are separated by Memory Loss, the Care Giver has times of significant grief when time brings around anniversaries of special annual importance. The internal time device says, "I recall vividly the events and moments we shared at this time last year and before that as well. Why can't we be doing that again now? What has gone wrong? Explain all you want about the disease but that does not comfort my grief.  I am isolated here in time on an island that is lonely and this will not be changed until consciousness is completed."  

Here is grief that cannot be avoided or comforted. All that is possible is to live through it, if possible, and let the feelings become familiar and perhaps less painful. There is no point in denying the reality of the situation. 

Emotions apparently have to be allowed to happen. Living in the moment means recognizing the feeling for what it is and accepting the sadness. When the moment is so encrusted with over 60 years of repetition it seems likely that life will prevail in its effort to recognize the power of relationship.

I have nine months of observing these times. It is a pilgrimage. Perhaps this is the way to observe such times. Stop and reflect. Look at the present surroundings. Let grief have its way. Don't hurry past the moment. 

An introductiion

One of the challenges faced by Care Givers of dear family members who develop Memory Loss is finding it almost impossible to know where to start.  It is a sort of paralysis resulting from the shock at finding the menace in ones own household.

This blog is based on personal experience over the last two years of 2012-2014. The purpose is to experiment to find the best way for one person to communicate about an experience that is unique and different in every situation.  The complexity discourage words but without words there is no way to share mutual experience both to comfort and to inform.

My spouse is presently in a fine group home. 

I will be adding more blogs as seems wise. The Care Giver experience is often fatal because of the constant need to be alert because of caring so deeply for your mate. More on that later.

DK