The First Year

When a long married couple are separated by Memory Loss, the Care Giver has times of significant grief when time brings around anniversaries of special annual importance. The internal time device says, "I recall vividly the events and moments we shared at this time last year and before that as well. Why can't we be doing that again now? What has gone wrong? Explain all you want about the disease but that does not comfort my grief.  I am isolated here in time on an island that is lonely and this will not be changed until consciousness is completed."  

Here is grief that cannot be avoided or comforted. All that is possible is to live through it, if possible, and let the feelings become familiar and perhaps less painful. There is no point in denying the reality of the situation. 

Emotions apparently have to be allowed to happen. Living in the moment means recognizing the feeling for what it is and accepting the sadness. When the moment is so encrusted with over 60 years of repetition it seems likely that life will prevail in its effort to recognize the power of relationship.

I have nine months of observing these times. It is a pilgrimage. Perhaps this is the way to observe such times. Stop and reflect. Look at the present surroundings. Let grief have its way. Don't hurry past the moment. 

An introductiion

One of the challenges faced by Care Givers of dear family members who develop Memory Loss is finding it almost impossible to know where to start.  It is a sort of paralysis resulting from the shock at finding the menace in ones own household.

This blog is based on personal experience over the last two years of 2012-2014. The purpose is to experiment to find the best way for one person to communicate about an experience that is unique and different in every situation.  The complexity discourage words but without words there is no way to share mutual experience both to comfort and to inform.

My spouse is presently in a fine group home. 

I will be adding more blogs as seems wise. The Care Giver experience is often fatal because of the constant need to be alert because of caring so deeply for your mate. More on that later.

DK